Knock Knock, Who's There?
by truly unruly
Summary: Oneshot. “He will knock four times? What if somebody knocks three times, just to fool you? You’ll open the door, and they’ll be like “Ha-ha, got you! BANG.” The Master can’t resist teasing his captive a little. Crack!fic, first attempt at all-dialogue.


**I **_**did **_**have this really serious Master story written, but I posted it and decided it wouldn't work so I wrote this instead. I don't know, I'm just insane.**

**Oh, and **_**Doctor Who **_**isn't mine. Not now, not until Stevie gets bored and sells it to the insane teenager in the **_**Wicked **_**shirt for ten quid and old bus passes.**

_**Summary: **_**"What if somebody knocks **_**three**_** times, just to fool you? You'll open the door, and they'll be like "Ha-ha, got you! BANG." The Master can't resist teasing his captive a little.**

* * *

**Knock Knock, Who's There?**

"I can't say I didn't see this coming."

"You're just saying that to annoy me."

"No, I'm not."

"Liar. How did you know?"

"Well, I was on this flying bus—"

"Why do all your stories start like that? _I was on a flying bus, I was on the Titanic_, give me a break!"

"I _was _on the—!!"

"Bored. Go on then; surprise me. What clued you in?"

"_He will knock four times._"

"…sorry?"

"That's what the prophetic woman said. And then the Ood showed me their dreams—well, nightmares really—and they were you."

"And they say _I'm _the crazy one! Old ladies, ood, nightmares! The only thing missing is some gorgeous girl getting brutally murdered."

"You're sick."

"But what do you mean, _he will knock four times_?"

"Why should I tell you?! You're the one who tied me to a _chair!_"

"Well, it's physically impossible for you to shut your mouth, in _this _irritating incarnation, so I'll just wait until you literally can't resist."

"I don't know, I prefer the word 'charming'. Wouldn't you say 'charming'?"

"No."

"Or 'sexy'?"

"_No._ Doctor, you're only proving my point."

"…"

"…"

"…apparently whoever knocks four times will bring about my death."

"You lasted ten seconds, I _have _to commend you on that."

"Shut UP."

"So, you're looking out for four knocks? And that will _kill _you?"

"Yup."

"Hmm. Well, what if somebody knocks _three_ times, just to fool you?"

"…_what?_"

"You know. You'll open the door, and they'll be like "Ha-ha, got you! BANG."

"That won't happen. It's four."

"What if—"

"It's _FOUR_."

"Okay … so, if I do this—"

"AAH! Don't knock on that!"

"—then I have an excuse to kill you?"

"_No_, knocking on tables don't count."

"You think they mean doors? Okay …"

"No, Master, _don't—_"

"Knock, knock. Who's there? Just me, come to kill the Doctor."

"You think you're funny, don't you?"

"Of course. It's one of the reasons why I'm a winner. And why my marriage is stable while _your _girlfriend is stuck in some parallel world."

"Your wife shot you."

"Details, details. Anyway, I've knocked four times; can you die now?"

"I don't think it's _you_, Master."

"Oh, you always ruin my fun. Don't you want me to be happy?"

"You overturned Earth's government, enslaved the human race and overpowered me. I don't think you really deserve to be happy."

"I overpowered you by tying you to a chair. I don't think _you _deserve to get self-righteous!"

"I'm beginning to wonder why I didn't want you to die last time…stop _KNOCKING on the wall!_"

"Worth a try. Ah, well, I suppose the knocking doesn't matter. I'm going to kill you anyway."

"Don't I get a last request?"

"…fiiine. As long as it doesn't involve leaving the room."

"Untie me?"

"Okay. … There. I like moving targets better anyway."

"Now, Master, maybe we can talk about this like two—_OOF!!_"

"Oh, get up. Doctor? Oh _Rassilon_. Only you could kill yourself by tripping over your own shoelaces!"

"…"

"Okay, I tied your laces together while you were unconscious. So I guess the prophesy _was _me! Look, see, I tied it once, twice, thrice, f—oh. Er, maybe the prophetic woman meant four _knots?_"

* * *

**It's probably OOC, stupid, random, cracky, wacky and generally rubbish but the mental image, at least, entertained me. My only hope is that maybe my attempt at a cheap laugh entertained you too…? Eh, this wasn't really meant to be taken seriously. Review anyway! :D**


End file.
